I want my strap on back

Posted by Bronwyn

     Let's face it, exes suck.  In particular, exes who have not yet given you back all of the stuff you either left with them, gave to them, let them borrow, or bought together (but you paid for most of it, so technically it's yours... right?). 

       We all have to go through the hellish and awkward process of asking (or demanding, in some cases) for our various items back.  They may respond by politely giving you your stuff back, or by throwing them in your face in a dramatic fashion all whilst screaming about how much of a mistake ever letting you in their life was. On the other hand, they may not give you your things back... for a while... or not at all, in which case you can call your lawyer. 


If they do the responsible and rational thing and agree to give you your things back, regardless of the manner in which they may actually present them to you, then they have to go through the process of finding all of your stuff.

     It might be a pair of socks, your favourite shirt, your watch, your best boxers, your only thong, your three favourite bras, your second and third seasons of The L Word, your handcuffs, your blue dildo, your pink dildo, your double ended dildo (that you paid for the majority of), your leather harness, your vegan friendly harness, the extra straps or buckles for the harnesses, your vibrator, your other vibrator, your other other vibrator... and the list goes on. 

     This list may seem quite a bit longer than your average list of things exes tend to hang on to, particularly in comparison to the average heterosexual or gay male couple.  However, as this is about lesbian relationships, the number of things that can be used in the bedroom is a bit more extensive and generally required.  Generally.


The problem with being a lesbian (who enjoys using sex toys) is that it is expensive, so naturally, if your ex still has some of your toys, you are going to want all of them back. 

     This is where it gets tricky.  Usually, when you're given your things back, they are given to you in one big heap.  Now, imagine this big heap of things is all sex toys.  If they are bringing your stuff to you (location is important, and should usually be somewhere private, unlike on campus or at a local coffee shop), they have to worry about how to carry it all with them, just as how if you're going to their place to get your stuff back, you have to worry about how you're getting it back home. 

     You could put them in a backpack, purse, in your pockets, in your car, or wear them home (although I would advise against wearing a strap on home, particularly if you have to interact with the public much on the way, such as by passing an elementary school or taking the bus).

     Basically, if you need to get your stuff back (or if you need to give someone their stuff back), make sure you have a plan on how to transport your goods, so as to avoid the  awkwardness of maybe having a thong or vibrator fall out of your pocket/bag during the trek to or from home.