Observations about sleep deprevation

Posted by a sleepy Erin

I stayed up all night with the intent of getting on top of some projects instead of speeding through them the night before the due date. Suddenly, artistic inspiration hit me. Fingers trembling, I took out my pencil and sketchbook and lo and behold, I began to draw...

 Totally worth it...?

I sketched all night and when I glanced at my clock I realized that it was an hour before I usually wake up (at 5 am... unfortunately). When it comes to late nights, there's always a 'point of no return' period. When the potential sleeper realizes they have two hours before they have to wake up and they usually just proclaim 'fuck this noise, I'm going ALL NIGHT, BABY!'. Stock up on energy drinks, coffee and something that delivers a mild electric shock, possibly hooking up your nipple clamps to a bug zapper. You all HAVE nipple clamps, don't you? Ask your mom to borrow hers, she doesn't use them (except on the last Friday night of every month). 

I hopped into the shower at 4:30 and enjoyed the cascade of just below scalding water. I like to come out looking like a goddamn lobster. Everything else is just NOT HOT ENOUGH. Which makes it difficult in the mornings. I want my long hot shower but after about two minutes I have my father banging on the door saying, "Don't use up all the hot water! And have you gained WEIGHT?!"

Well yes, but that's not the point. 

So early in the morning, I was able to enjoy a slightly longer shower. I could finally wash that rotting vegetable smell out of my Michelin man-esque rolls, a mammoth task that eludes me most days. I found the TV remote too. It was a good morning for cleanliness, all around. I haven't showered that much since I had that one night stand with Bronwyn and her reptilian third eyelids. 

Bronwyn is SO wasted in this photo.

I even had time to apply all the makeup that I needed to apply. 

As a natural blond, my eyebrows and eyelashes come in an unfortunate shade I like to call 'invisible'. Every morning, if I want to look like a normal human being and NOT like the Mona Lisa, who I have determined is NOT a human being at all, I have to draw my eyebrows on. The biggest source of conflict in my life among the other sapphists is whether or not I'm a lesbian based solely on my makeup and tendency to carry a purse. Listen up! Most of you have awesome clear skin and perfectly normal, visible eyebrows. I have a face that has been affectionately described by my psychiatrist as 'pock-marked'. The purse is to haul my makeup around in. The entire bottom of my purse is coated in a hardened facial powder. 

To look halfway human, my makeup regime takes up a good chunk of my mornings. Also blow drying and straightening my hair. My hair isn't really curly, isn't really straight. It just does this thing on the right side where the same lock every day will bend upwards... Like I thought about curling my hair but then as I got the first bit of hair around it, I gave up. It's like I wandered into a field of friendly deer and one of them licked my head. It's just a worthless little piece of hair and straightening only holds it down for a while... If I had it on the other side too, at LEAST it could look like I meant to do it and that I hadn't gotten my hair caught in a door.

With the extra time to get ready but a brain that has turned to molasses from lack of sleep, I decided after going through my closet, that dressing like Stevie Nicks would be a totally good idea and not crazy at all. So today I look a little bit like a crazy cat lady who also happens to be a witch. Excellent, it's good to target that market. 

I now find myself in the lab, energy drink long forgotten, while I pretend that I'm totally not tired at all. Pssshoooooooooooooooooooooo....