Types of lesbians for the new generation

Posted by Erin

We queer women love our labels, despite arguments to the contrary. Unfortunately, the lesbians of the young generation are generally shunning the labels of the days of Stonewall. Luckily I'm creative and have absolutely nothing better to do than to create new labels for the modern day queer lady. In the spirit of hurt feelings and accusations of betraying my brethren, I offer an incredibly simplified look at the types of lesbians that you will encounter as a young attractive queer woman on the scene in the year 2010. So now when your friends say 'I actually don't fit into a category', you can helpfully remind them that they do.

(Note: This is just to poke fun, I cannot be held responsible for your lack of style creativity)

The Classic Butch

 Lipstick and eyeliner is a rarity. A cascading mullet is not.

There are two images that the non-queer population get into their heads when they hear the word 'lesbian'. One is Katy Perry and Lindsay Lohan making out naked on a bed before a man joins in on the sex, the other is the classic butch. These are the lesbians who predated all others. They're usually older women, although I have seen a couple young people rocking the style. They like denim, shaved heads, sleeveless shirts and more denim. They are guaranteed to be able to get the lid off any jar in the kitchen.  

The Modern Butch

Unf Daniela Sea. Unf.

The modern butch is in high demand and low supply. They are defined by loose-fitting jeans, wife-beaters and tattoos. They are the most laid-back people in the world and they are generally less catty than most of the other lesbians. Everyone is legally obligated to find the modern butch attractive, including other modern butches. You are also legally obligated to hate their girlfriends.

The Andro Nerd

 Honestly, the only photo of Francis from Better than Chocolate that I could find. Blasphemy. 

Kind of nerdy, kind of sweet. They like their ties and suspenders. Squint and you might mistake her for a fifteen year old boy. This is the androgynous nerd. Absolutely adorably awkward in every way. More likely to stay in on a Saturday night and play video games or read than to hit up the bar. Glasses have never looked better. 

The Andro Glam

   If only, Robyn. If only...

The Andro glam is a big club goer. She likes to go out and live it up. She's defined by geometric haircuts and a shrine to Adam Lambert in her broom closet. More than anyone else, Andro glam lesbians are tight with the gay men and together they roam the streets leaving a trail of glitter and rocker fashion in their wake. 

Flowerchild Femme

I have a gun that shoots daisies and vegan hemp protein powder.

The flowerchild femme is generally an activist, loves animal rights and might be a folk music performer. Often sports dreadlocks and wears beads generally anywhere she can manage to put them on her wardrobe. They are sort of a modern day hippie. They like to talk about the time they went backpacking through Europe after art college. Folk music festivals and vegan, gluten-free cafes are where they frequent. Gotta love them dreads.

Body Modification Femme

  Oh hells yeah.

Tattoos, piercings, drawn-on eyebrows and cat eye makeup are these ladies' calling cards. They've got a bit of a goth flair and a dangerous edge about them but they're usually pretty chill. They have a 95% chance of being a smoker. 

Hipster Andro

  Ellen Paaaaaaaage. 

Skinny jeans, converse sneakers, scarves and cardigans are in the closet of every hipster andro. They like Kimya Dawson and Tegan and Sara. They drink obscene amounts of coffee. Most of them are English majors. You'll find them in coffee shops, study groups and slam poetry readings. Most of them are teeny tiny, we're talking barely passing the five foot mark. Which makes it easier to smuggle them into bars under your coat when the bouncer believes they're only sixteen. 

Weekend Lesbian

...?! 

WARNING, THIS IS NOT A LESBIAN. ABORT THE MISSION, ABORT THE MISSION!