Don't you hate it when men aren't lesbians?

Posted by Bronwyn

There are several growing fashion trends within the male adolescent/young adult population that are leaving me often frustrated and disappointed with myself and my love of androgyny, as well as my blatant homosexuality. 

     Now, I love androgyny more than anything else because I don't believe in the societal constructs of "male" and "female" fashions, because that puts limits on your freedom of expression and your ability to simply be yourself in the eyes of the label-loving majority of the population, blah blah feminist queer rights blah blah down with gender hierarchies and gender binaries, etc. 

     However, it has its drawbacks, such as when you see what you believe to be an attractive, semi-butch, androgynous lesbian... who turns out to be a teenage boy.  Quite possibly the most awkward thing in the world.  

     If you are gutsy enough to approach the not-really-a-cute-androgynous-lesbian-but-in-fact-an-awkward-situation-waiting-to-happen, you must then quickly make up an excuse as to why you approached this pecs and penis-possessing, breasts and vagina-less person.  Personally, I find the Shelly solution (run away like a pansy) to be a quick and effective way of getting out of that situation, although it will leave you feeling mortified and frustrated with yourself for not coming up with a smooth cover up for your blunder.

Now, the most popular fashion trends for dudes that I find to be the biggest mindfucks ever are:

1.     V-Neck T's/sweaters

This is what you expect or hope for...

This is what you get.  Goddamnit.

V-Necks are insanely popular these days, which is pretty fucking awesome, because I do love me some v-necks.  However, it is a unisex style, so disappointment is something that often follows when you see an attractive person with unisex hair wearing one.  There is approximately a 50% chance of disappointment, to be followed by an 85% chance of confused frustration. 

2.     Vests, suspenders and ties, oh my!

I don't know who this is, but can I have them?  Please?

The re-introduction of suspenders, suit vests, suit jackets, ties, fedoras, dress pants, and dress shirts into the world of popular fashion among my age group is something that makes me happy beyond belief.  However, said fashions are sadly not limited to the gay ladies population, which, again, creates more confusion and disappointment.  However, formal wear is always eye catching and can be fun to mix and match with some casual clothing, such as jeans or converse shoes.  When in doubt, suit up!

3.     Skinny jeans

When coupled with a hoodie and unisex haircut... good luck.

I will just let these speak for themselves. The only way to figure out the sex of the person here is to judge the width of the person's hips, and whether they're a bit bulgy in the front. *sigh*

4.     Beanies

If someone is wearing this style of hat with wingtips (if you don't know what they are, I will be blogging about lesbian and androgynous haircuts in the next day or two) and a scarf, then determining their gender will be twice as diffcult :'(

I am not entirely sure if these hats are very popular outside of the Ottawa region, but since they're pretty much the bee's knees here, I'm going to talk about them and how awesome, yet frustrating, they are.  Approximately 70% of the Ottawa population (Note: I don't actually know what percentage of Ottawa citizens own these, but it sure seems as though at least 70% have them) own these hats, which come in a variety of designs and funky shapes.  They're awesome, but they are also an addition to the confusion surrounding identifying lesbians from male hipsters.