Stuff I've learned about 1st Dates

 Posted by Shelly

First dates are scary for awkward lesbians! Especially if you're anything like me and can't help but blush incessantly in the mere presence of a cute girl (you would think that my darker complexion conceals blushes, but you're wrong, YOU'RE WRONG!)

And so, for the benefit of all, I have compiled a list of tips for quick reference.


Stuff I've learned about 1st Dates:

• Some people just don't like Tron. Accept this and try not to make a scene. I've spoiled a few first dates with: "Hey, have you seen the trailer to the new Tron movie? Wait, you don't know what Tron is? YOU MUST KNOW TRON!!! Seriously??? You still don't??? You know, you drive this futuristic motorbike that draws a line behind you where ever that you go, and you want to draw lines behind you that cut off other people's motorbikes to make them crash and explode??? No??? What do you mean that sounds stupid?  AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

If only our bond could be as close as two insane-difficulty Tron bots, racing side-by-side with impeccable computer timed reflexes to the end of the level, together... sigh... so romantic...

• If you're going to compliment a girl, figure out what you want to say first. Better yet, pinpoint exactly what you're going to compliment her on. Or else, you'll end up saying something like, "You have a nice.... face", and she'll be like, "Uhhh... thanks?....", and you'll be like, "Err, well, I was going to saw you had nice eyes, but then I also was thinking that you had a very pretty smile, so I decided just to generalize!", but by that point she'll already have begun to think that you're kind of creepy. 

• Awkward silences suck. Fill them by talking about something every lesbian likes, e.g. Tegan and Sara. Wait, I know that you are thinking, "HEY, NOT EVERY LESBIAN LIKES TEGAN AND SARA, GOSSSSSH!" but SHHH, STOP YELLING AT ME cause it's worked for me every time! EVERY TIME! Just saying! Now stop denying, and go back to listening to Alligator off the new T+S album, and maybe even go back to watching the music video, 'cause the random choreographed dance routine in it is awesome. Just awesome.