Posted by Erin
Loving Annabelle, every lesbian’s favourite movie. Or at least every lesbian has seen it. (Note: if you haven’t seen it then maybe you’re actually bisexual or something. What is wrong with you?)
It’s the harrowing tale about a chain-smoking angry teen and a perpetually worried looking teacher who fall in love at some Catholic private school or something. I’ve seen it a few times. Mostly for Erin Kelly.
Erin Kelly >:)
I love Erin Kelly but I can honestly say they hired her entirely for her leering skills because that's literally all she does in the movie. Anabelle is the badass new student and Simone is the teacher with an ambiguous sexuality. When their worlds collide, it can only result in... well a good sixty minutes of leering. At least the director tries to spice it up a little by changing the leering locations.
Classroom leering, library leering... and then Simone even has a dream sequence in which she's sitting in a church while Anabelle is behind her... leering.
Anabelle used leer. It's super effective.
I guess this is the only way they can express sexual tension. Go ahead, try this technique on someone you fancy. I'll get the bail money ready...
They hang out. Anabelle smokes. Simone breaks up with her dopey boyfriend after the most awkward round of straight sex ever(basically he humps her, finishes and then passes out while she looks bored). We find out Simone had a female partner back in the day, although she's tragically dead and I can't really remember if they ever explain why. Meanwhile, Anabelle is in trouble with the creepy headmistress at school because her ex girlfriend gave her some beads to wear around her neck and she won't take them off. Or something.
Anabelle makes friends with the girl who cuts herself and makes enemies with the bicurious girl when she tries to make out with her in the swimming pool. In a scene that just kind of is there, without explanation...
What a waste of time!
If you think about it too hard, you'll get that icky feeling realizing that these are high school girls and that one of them (eventually) has sex with her teacher who has to be in her early to mid thirties. And of course, they had to throw the Catholic angle in there too. And yes, they wear the uniforms and everything. They may as well have set the movie in a french maid training college.
Whatever. When we finally get to the climatic showdown, Anabelle sings a song at... prom? Some kind of dance? Catholic schools have dances now? I thought dancing led to touching. And the whole time she sings, she's leering at poor Simone, who is by this point a total wreck. They have a fairly satisfying sex scene.
The movie ends realistically with Simone being taken away by the police and Anabelle getting sent back home.
Overall, a lot of leering, a school populated by stock characters, and a slow buildup. Is it good? Sure, it's alright. It's kind of a required viewing, anyways. I wouldn't call it a great movie. Average, maybe. You have to watch it so that you can get your meddling friends off your back. It also documents the rise and fall of Erin Kelly's film career.
The sex scene alone is worth the price of the movie. (Which is priceless because you're going to download the torrent for free.)
Two stars out of five!
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