I noticed that the first part of this deep and meaningful investigation lacked absolutely anything related to lesbianism. So now we delve into the deeper layers of the disgusting raisin cake that is internet dating, to a niche inside a niche.
Ladies, of course I'm talking about...
Lesbians on Dating Sites (and why they aren't there)
I don't fucking know, I'm only one woman!
There is a website that a certain celebrity plugged in a certain nine minute long music video. I won't name said website, but seeing as you have it open in another window as you read this, obsessively refreshing your e-mail page every ten minutes, I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to.
You might be saying, 'Erin, you idiot, there are SO lesbians on dating sites. What the hell am I doing reading this? I should be studying for my midterm tomorrow.' It's true, you should but let me just explain something here.
This is my helpful little breakdown of lesbians on most dating sites, for people who need their pie charts in order to understand things. As you can see... a giant portion of this delicious pie is made up of these things we call "probably not lesbians". Unlike what the L Word would have you believe, a lot of people are actually not lesbians. And most of them wear bras.
For some reason though, a lot of girls are "curious" about it. And rather than hide this shameful affliction from the world, they've decided to take it to the Internet in the hopes of finding like-minded people. What they end up finding are newly out lesbians who haven't yet sharpened their gaydars enough to realize the truth.
So while you may think you've just uncovered a plethora of reasonably attractive women on the site and are rubbing your hands together pervertedly and grinning:
Remember that a good chunk of them are about as gay as the popular girls were when they got drunk and started making out on the boat cruise at the non-school sanctioned after prom party.
Why No One Messages You
Dating sites are probably the biggest letdown since you found out Santa Claus isn't real and that your parents had sex at least once, in order to make you. You posted your photo, made up a snazzy profile, even messaged a couple people who seemed interesting. You wait for days, weeks... nothing. Not even a spark of interest from your fellow desperate loners. Confused, angry and disillusioned, you change your profile from 'Looking for a relationship' to 'I don't care' and change the tune of your profile to something like 'I don't even care if I meet anyone. I'm so disillusioned with online dating these days, anyway...'
Here's the thing. You put that you're interested in men instead of women and the floodgates open. Countless creepy men message you immediately. You're sifting through upwards of 40 messages a day, deleting many, playfully responding to some. The point is, you have a much better shot being attracted to men than women on a dating site because of one simple thing...
Women don't message each other.
If you've ever been to a gay bar, you might see it in action. Oh sure, some people are paired up, but there are just as many looking around, double fisting, just as lost and afraid as you are. Some are even attractive (unlike you). What's the problem here?
Well, I went to a club once with my straight friends. Almost immediately upon entering said club, my friend and I were approached by two fairly normal looking guys, looking to dance and buy us drinks. We turned them down... and standing right behind them were more guys, just as keen as the last ones.
Women don't approach each other, at least not very often and certainly not nearly as much as men. I'd say it's just some sort of behavior that's bred into us. Ladies wait at the bar for someone to approach them, whores go after what they want. Problem with that is if everyone's a woman, then no one is approaching anyone. It's the same on dating sites. There are a lot of people who put up profiles and explicitly state, "I'm pretty uncomfortable messaging people, so message me if you're interested." The fuck?
So if you're waiting around for the right girl to message you, it might never happen. Stop being a wimp and message her, already!
Everyone still has vaguely defined expectations
If you glean just one piece of knowledge from this post today, let it be this...
This is, essentially, what everyone wants you to look like. Straddling the lines between butch and femme, slender, tattooed, and wearing a wife beater. Unless you look like this, no one is going to give a flying fuck if you share their interests or if you're sincere.
And here is what every lesbian roughly looks like on dating sites. If you see some good looking girls, remember they're probably just looking to "experiment". No, actual honest to goodness lesbians, mostly look like our friend here. That's actually a self-taken photo, by the way. This is reality. I hope you like crazy nineteen year olds making the duck face.
The girl in the photo above this one DOES exist, but why would she need to use an online dating site? She breaks up with her girlfriend and she's got another on the way. Your dream girl STILL doesn't need a dating site, no matter how popular and socially acceptable it's become in recent years to use one. Even if you do find the girl on top among the profiles, she's not going to message you back. Why should she? You don't look like her ideal. It's like real life, only worse because everyone makes immediate snap judgments about whether or not they'll bother with someone, rather than getting to know them first.
Is there anything that can be done? Not really. Online dating takes a lot of time, luck and patience. There's always the chance that you'll be meeting with someone completely different than what you were expecting. And it's a lot easier to just ignore someone online then to be upfront with them. I'd say give it a shot but don't get your hopes up too much.
Of course, if it gets more awesome girls on a dating website then I'm totally down with it.
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