How to eye-flirt like a champ

Posted by Shelly

I live a pretty simple life. As most people do, I have ambitions and I have dreams. But when it really boils down to it, I have only two main goals that I strive for.

First of all, world domination. Obviously.

Secondly, to have a "missed connection" ad written about me on Craigslist.

Now, if you want to truly succeed in becoming a "missed connection", you must actively exert yourself. There is a fine art to missing connections, you see.  There are techniques. And, as a qualified expert in this field, I, Shelly, will pass on to you, the readers, yet another slice of advice from my infinite fountain of knowledge in all things flirtacious. Today's lesson: Eye-flirting.

To flirt with your eyes is to send a message---a message saying: Senorita, fly away with me to paradise. Then, you must disapear mysteriously into the night, and they will think you are handsome and alluring.

There are various methods of eye-flirting.

The Shy Guy

Step 1) Look in her direction

 Step 2) Make eye contact, and bashfully look away

Step 3) Sneak a look back up and resume eye contact 

Step 4) Repeat as many times as desired, OR move on to...

The Inquisitive

Step 1) Arch one eyebrow
Step 2) (Optional) Remove glasses in a super slick manner

Once you get good at the basics, you can try attempting some of these higher difficulity eye-flirts.
(Warning: may cause swoons.)

The Gaze

The "Yeah, I'm lookin' at you"

The Leer

...Well, it worked for Annabelle.