Break up better with these helpful tips!

Posted by Shelly

So it seems that it's that time of year where everyone is breaking up with everyone (I even include myself in this statement.) You are all heartbroken and whiney. But listen - I will give you some advice to make you happy again. Some people doubt my awesome advice, but let me assure you, I'm a professional. I get dumped all the time! So listen and learn! Also, you're welcome.

Tip 1: It's time to get your life back in order. 

This is one of the most crucial steps to recovery. You need to lock yourself in your basement with your computer and your lvl 80 blood elf paladin, eat nothing but pizza pockets and cheese strings, and remember JUST HOW GOOD IT IS TO BE SINGLE.

Tip 2: Don't underestimate the value of having a harem. 

Seriously, if you don't already have a gaggle of hot women to follow you around and do your bidding, you should really get going on that.

For example, if you see your ex macking on some other girl right in front of you, you can just snap your fingers and say, "HAREM... ASSEMBLE!" and then have a plethora of women swooning all over you. And your ex will be like, "Hmmmff, come on, Becky, let's leave!" but you'll know that you just won. Oh, yeah, you won, all right.

Besides, harems are good for all sorts of occasions, too. Like this one time, I was dancing up in the club, and I was trying to get my groove on with some girl, but she was like "Pffff, no..." so I just said, "Whatever. Don't care. HAREM???" I'm pretty sure she wasn't looking at me with my harem, but, you know, whatever, I still won.

Tip 3: Revenge is awesome. 

Revenge is the best part of breaking up, but it gets overlooked so many times! Don't miss your opportunity to be spiteful and horrible with an excuse! And stop listening to people who tell you otherwise. I'M telling you, revenge will make you feel good, and immediate gratification is all the matters. I rememeber when my first girlfriend dumped me. To get back at her, I posted a video about oranges to her facebook page. She really hated oranges. Take that, you bitch!


Okay, that's all for now. Follow these steps, and you'll be soooooo over your ex in no time! I mean, just look at me, I'm already sooooooo over MY ex! Except... well.... I guess I am kind of lonely.... sigh....... wait..... HAREM, ASSEMBLE!!!!! See, it works!

In unrelated news, I made a whole bunch of stickers of my face. I'm gonna vandalize EVERYTHING with stickers, and people are going to come up to me and be like, "Hey... do I know you from somewhere?" and I'll be like, "I don't know.... have you seen my face around? HAHAHAHAHA..."

It's not vain to create a ton of stickers with your face on them.... jeeeeeeeeeeeez